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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 7, Episode 6
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the sixth episode of the seventh series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'SF' – Stewart Francis *'EB' – Ed Byrne Topics Bad Things To Hear At The Psychiatrists FB - I don't want you to think of me as a psychiatrist. I want you to think of me as a mental patient who killed a psychiatrist before you got here. HD - You think you are a potato? On the couch, please. EB - Welcome to your first session of Freudian analysis. What seems to be the penis? FB - Well you say that you're paranoid, but I have a report here that says you looked very relaxed in the bath this morning. AP - Oh yes, I can see why you fancy your mother. She's something of a fox. RH - I see you've tried to commit suicide five times. your dad was right, you are useless! FB - You've been coming here for six months to talk about your trust issues... while we've been filming you for Britain's Nuttiest Bastards! HD - Yes I think your parents caused you problems from a very early age, Clitorina. SF - Your thoughts that you're horrifficly unattractive are all in your mind... Mister... Johnson? RH - Okay, word association. I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your breasts. EB - Wow, th- that's really interesting. Do you mind if I use some of this stuff as lyrics for my band? FB - You have emotional problems and a below average IQ. I'm prescribing Hollyoaks. EB - Oh, that's a classic dream. It means you're a pedophile. RH - I want you to go to your happy place. Judging by the size of you, that's probably Greggs. FB - Hypnosis could certainly help with your intimacy issues. While you were unconscious I rested my nuts on your head. Unlikely Things To Hear On a TV Talent Show FB - 2007's winner Leon Jackson is still selling records... at his Saturday job at HMV Paisley. SF - Of course it's not a freak show! Now get your Siamese twin asses on that stage and you nail "Papa Don't Preach"! FB '''- Two crosses light up and the crowd cheers as... Stavros Flatley are crucified in flames. '''RH - (Yorkshire accent) Hello! I'm Rita, I'm 87, and I'm gonna do keep-it-up with me boobs! Hey, I'm like bloody Ronaldo, look at me go! EB - Okay you're right, I don't really have any talent. But I'm kinda cute. I'm Kylie Minogue's sister for God's sake! FB '''- What a hilarious singing dog... Susan Boyle is. '''HD - When you- when you said you were going to saw a woman in half... I thought you were a magician. EB '''- Oh, my family aren't going to believe it when they see me on TV. They think I'm dead! '''AP - Hello, I'm Susan Boyle, and I would like to say hello to my brother Frankie. (waves) FB - Susan Boyle is not related to me. None of my relatives will ever manage to chisel their way out of that cellar. HD - I am an escapologist. Today, I have escaped from Broadmoor! FB - Next on ITV4 is ITV3's coverage of ITV2's Making Of documentary about the coverage on ITV4. AP - Hello, I'm Billy Cock, and this is my partner, Brian Balls, and together we are... Billy and Brian! RH '''- Behold, my magical racist cat! (Mancunian accent) "They come over here, they steal our bloody jobs, Meow! I'm not havin' it!" '''FB - That was a beautiful song... until you fucking sang it! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See